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DRA-mothafuckin-MA ((2004-04-23 - 2:11 a.m.)) okay, i think ive changed my template eighty-seven times this week. i finally found one i really liked, but it only works for my archive page. im not gonna worry about it for now. i wasted an entire night taking a nap! i wanted to go out tonight, it being my first night of the end of the semester, (does that make sense?) but that didn't work out. i had my mom over to the apt. today in honor of the first day of no longer neglecting her. she used to be my best friend, i told her absolutely everything. well everything but the not-mom-appropriate sex-life secrets and all that. my intentions this past semester were not meant to hurt her, i just thought that with my grandma as sick as she is, my mom doesn't need any added stress. im talking about the sitch with the exboyfriend. the abuse, the breaking into my apt, the three police reports filed by me against him- including two in one night,leading to a very drawn out court case where the prosecutor wants nothing more than to give him felony charges. he thinks if he doesn't have phil convicted as a felon, he'll be setting a bad example for other violent 'wife-beater' types. well now my parents know everything, which is a huge relief. phil's lawyer finally filled them in. they know evvverything. since they have friends with felonies, (for marijuana offenses-in the 70s-talk about unfair charges)that have greatly burdened them. one of them is broke as a joke, after being unemployed for quite some time now, all cuz nobody wants to hire a felon. ****ewww, i just killed a centipede, eww, ewww, eww. i feel em on my back and in my hair now.***** oops, im famous for interrupting myself. ok, for real now- i gotta get the serious stuff outta the way. so because my parents have seen the damage a felony charge can do, they don't wish such a thing on anybody but their worst enemy, meaning if the crime isn't heinous, it shouldn't be a felony. I agree, as i have all along, before my parents knew anything more than the fact that he was having a hard time letting go. plus, my parents (and myself) have talked to his dad, and as parents they feel terrible for him to be going through such stress. if philip wasn't such an idiot he'd realize how great his father is, and he'd do everything he could to stay out of trouble. he doesn't realize. he only has one thing on his mind, and it's me. getting me back. delusions. he's IMing me right now, (I haven't answered a phone call or IM of his in a month)and im all of a sudden really sad for him. randomSNihavenotytblocked: please love me megyn please talk to me randmSN: my brother said you had an away mess that said you were doing some guys resume he has no idea. he's causing so much grief to everyone around him, by refusing to let go of me. jail won't do anything but worsen his mental problems. that's what i told the prosecutor today. it just isn't the punishment he needs. he needs court ordered rehab and major therapy. years in jail for this would only make me feel bad, not to mention the pain his family would suffer. his dad is good people. his mom, sisters, brothers, uncles, grandma, nephews- theyre good people. if he would just wake up and leave this imaginary, delusional world he's in, he'd realize how much this is harming his dad, and all the others. i guess another reason i didn't tell my mom about all the drama is cuz of how just a year and a half ago i put her through a ton of worry with my anorexia. i feel bad burdening her again and again. plus, it really, really hurt when she stopped paying for my therapy, accusing me of not getting any better, just going from anorexic to alcoholic. *this accusation arose shortly after i broke my foot by jumping out of a window while partying up at State.* sure the therapy lasted long enough to get me eating and down the road to recovery, but i wasn't at the end of that road yet. and the fact that she actually said i wasn't any better after all my hard work and progress! i had put in so much work to get that far, to overcome my fear of calories and i was just beginning to respect my body and love it when she flipped out on me. i guess that's why i tried to keep this last obstacle from her. i didn't want her to flip out, i didn't want her to be disappointed, i didn't wanna hurt her. i was wrong, i was miserable the past few months without the help of my mom, cuz no matter how much i disagree with her decision last year, she's still the person i trust most in the world. i respect and admire her, regardless of the one mistake. she knows me the best;therefore, she knew i was keeping something big from her, for the first time in my life. if i could do it over again, (which i never, ever would)i would have told her the whole story when trouble first started brewing with this whole mess. ya live and ya learn. i swear ive ended an entry like that before, but it's late, this entry is no fun anyway, so im entitled to be redundant. i hope it's tank top and sandals weather tomorrow.
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