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a miserable day ((2004-04-03 - 7:16 p.m.)) When I woke up, I was lied to. I was told it was a beautiful day outside. As my luck would have it, just as I literally dusted off my black capri pants, it became grey and the wind started to blow. The kind of blow that seems to be whispering "it's Saturday night and you have nobody". Maybe I'm just setting myself up for sadness, I did sleep until three oclock after going to bed at eleven on a friday. The "nicest" guy I know gave me vibes that screamed "I dont want you around tonight," even after I cleaned his shithole house with the intensity that only someone who took 2 adderalls after sleeping fifteen hours could deliver. The guy who would do anything to spend a day with me is also the most abusive asshole around, and my stalker. Stalker's attention only makes one feel worse about one's sad life. He even stole a cell phone from some random girl he was flirting with at a club, just to call me fifty times in one night. I got my number changed the next day. New number and all, my life is no better. My phone rarely rings. The guy I fall for every time Im single is offensively shy and never fails to make me feel worthless. Even if I am the only girl to ever give him sex for the past three years, he only talks to me when he feels like it, meaning he's sick of jacking off to porn night after night. Granted, my sex is damn good, but somehow he never fails to make me feel like a $2 hooker. And then there's the guy I have longed for since I was fifteen and we made out in the woods, halfway between his house and mine. It's like he can sense my vulnerability, so he will tell me what could have been, if only... He always makes me feel on top of the world (through IMs). But the following day, I am struck with reality when he fails to even say hello. He has a girlfriend, he will forever have a girlfriend who isn't me, no matter what he may say when he's reminiscing about our unusual, yet pleasurable past. I'm so alone, and only the ferocious wind banging on my window seems to know how I feel.
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